Do you struggle to manage your money?
Do you find it difficult to talk with your partner about money and it feels like you are talking two different languages?
Well, maybe that is exactly what is happening.
Men have grown up with the feeling that they are they hunter, the breadwinner, and see money as the new beast to be caught.
Women have been taught to be the carers, looking after others, and to leave the money issues to the male. (“Don’t worry your pretty little head about such things darling”) Even though it is now the year 2017 some of these beliefs are still part of how we think.
We have grown up with beliefs that have been laid down over the generations. We now see them as truths about men and women.
They are just generalizations and do not apply to everyone, but they are believed by a large number.
Women Money Myths
- Money is too complicated for me to understand
- Learning about money is too tedious and boring
- I don’t have enough money to do anything with
- If I risk my money, I’ll lose everything
- I don’t have enough time to manage my money well
- It’s selfish to put myself first – I am supposed to take care of everyone else
- If I get too good at this money stuff, I might antagonize my partner – or I could even end up alone
- If I’m lucky, some man (or someone else) will take care of my money for me
- I want to be a part of a cooperative community
- Women approach the world as a network of cooperation
- Women are comfortable expressing their feelings and even their vulnerability
Men’s Money Myths
- Learning about money comes easily to them
- If I make more money, I get to decide how it’s spent
- I don’t have to ask my wife’s permission to buy something… or its humiliating to have to talk to my wife about buying something
- If I have money problems, it is someone else’s fault
- It is humiliating to admit that I don’t know as much as other do about money
- I would rather keep living in denial about a bad investment than admit I had a mistake
- When I give to charity it’s important to be the most generous donor
- Men often see the world as a hierarchical social order, and they are either one up, or one down
- Men are raised to value competition, assertiveness, and aggressiveness
- Men think that expressing weakness in any way or feeling needy is not OK
Generalizations can be risky, but sometimes they can be useful. Many women and men are just like these generalizations, and sometimes the roles can be reversed. It is useful to understand the influence of socialization around gender issues to help us feel that maybe we are not as crazy as we thought.
Reading these lists you can see why men and women might have some issues discussing money and how it is to be handled.
Look at the lists and read each point and see which ones feel relevant for you.
Circle them because these are the ones that you will need to tap on so that you can change them.
All these beliefs are changeable because they are simply beliefs, a myth and not reality. But by believing that you are not good with money you will make the belief come true. You will not pay attention, you will let others take care of it, and not learn the skills needed or put the time in.
Tapping on the belief that you are not good with money, or any of the other beliefs that you identify will have you understanding that it is just a myth that you have learnt probably through society in general or specific things that your caregivers said or did.
Look at how you mother handled money and talked about money.
How did your parents discuss money with each other?
Was it a topic of conversation or did you grow in a household where it was not allowed to be discussed?
Was it considered inappropriate to talk about money, or your income or any other aspect of money?
Most of us probably did not have lessons about money, how the system works, or how to handle it. These lessons have come from observation and general feelings of the people around you. Looking at how they have handled money gives you an understanding of what your thoughts and beliefs are, and where you are probably tripping yourself up.
Once you have identified the family and societal patterns, you are ready to change them to beliefs that support you in how you now want to be.
Tapping can really help you challenge the myths and set up your new beliefs.