Have you experienced the person that just constantly annoys you, and upsets you?
Maybe you have heard someone say that the people who irritate us the most are just a mirror of ourselves. This is why family members, in particular, can really annoy us – we see ourselves in them, and vice versa.
This will not always be true, of course, but when it is, it can be a real opportunity for growth, if we can acknowledge it (and it is true more often than you would like to accept). It is much easier to change ourselves than change another person. And trying to change someone else is never a good idea.
For instance, you might have a client that is always complaining. Think about this. In what situations are you always complaining? (it works really well to write down your thoughts at this point).
We might behave differently in different environments. Perhaps we do not complain at work, but maybe we do with our friends. Maybe we are annoyed at the controlling behavior at work, and we come home and think that we should be in control.
Even if you do not think you are behaving in the same way, there is something that you can learn from this situation. Human nature is universal, and we share many of the same traits. What we see in others can always help us to understand ourselves more deeply.
It is a valuable skill to see something in another person and automatically bring this observation back to ourselves. It is like having a built-in system that enables us to be continually engaged in self-exploration and self-development.
If we see behavior we do not like, we can make a concerted effort to weed it out of ourselves, and when we see behavior that we do like, we can let it inspire us to take on the new behavior and make the next step up the self-development ladder.
Being an entrepreneur is the biggest and best self-development class there is. We have to keep getting out of our comfort zone to grow the business and dealing with difficult people is one of the big lessons that we will need to learn to conquer.
And this is where tapping comes in.
The first step is to recognize what you are feeling. Using the example of a client who is always complaining. How does the complaining make you feel? Are you angry, upset, hurt, worried, feeling like a failure etc?
All these feelings are coming from something inside you!!!!
Look at what you are feeling. Does the situation warrant a complaint? Obviously, if they feel that something has not been delivered as expected, then there might be a reason for the complaints. But usually, it will be more than they complain about everything.
Once you are sure that there is not a legitimate complaint, it is time to look at how you feel. Why are you reacting to the person’s complaint? What is it that it stirs up in you? All the times your parents complained about you, called you names and put you down. Are you feeling like this is what is happening again?
It probably isn’t. It is that your amygdala has set off the smoke detector inside your brain, warning you of a similar situation that you experienced when you were young. Your brain is trying to keep you safe, by telling you to run away, or to fight, whereas you will probably stand there and become frozen. This is the third pillar in the fight or flight response that we usually don’t talk about, yet it is how most of us behave. Someone is complaining, criticizing maybe even yelling and we just stand there and take it, not knowing how to behave. We are grounded to the spot.
Using the tapping technique, we are able to turn off the smoke detector and calm the brain down, by telling it that you have the situation covered and it can relax. The feeling of stress will go, and the feeling of peace will take over. Then and only then can you think about the situation. Is there something that you need to do, and if so go and do it. But now with your frontal cortex, the thinking part of your brain in action, ready to make good decisions.
If upon calm introspection you cannot see anything you would do different, then it is time to look back further into your past. When has someone treated you like that? When have you had a similar experience? And your memories will come flooding back. These memories make extremely good tapping fodder. Tap, forgive and let go until there is no emotion behind the memory.
Then look back at the complainer and see how you feel about her now????
I would love to know what experiences you have with this, and your thoughts.