Happiness. We talk about it, chase it, and wonder if we’ve ever truly had it, or even if we know what it means.
But here’s the thing—happiness isn’t some grand prize waiting at the finish line. It’s not something we earn after decades of hard work or checking off society’s must-have list.
And after major life shifts, it can feel more confusing than ever. What does happiness really look like now? And why does it feel just out of reach?
Happiness Isn’t What We Thought It Was
For most of our lives, we have been conditioned to believe that happiness was tied to achievement, relationships, or external milestones. The perfect marriage, successful kids, a thriving career, a dream home—these were supposed to be the ingredients for a happy life. And yet, many of us checked those boxes and still feel an underlying sense of something missing.
And then life change again – Divorce, widowhood, retirement, or an empty nest changed everything. Suddenly, the happiness we thought we understood vanished, leaving us questioning what it even is.
The truth? Happiness isn’t a destination—it’s a way of being. It isn’t about what we have, who we’re with, or what we’ve accomplished. It’s about how we feel about ourselves and the life we’re living, day by day.
What Happiness Isn’t
Before we redefine happiness for ourselves, let’s clear up a few common misconceptions:
🚫 Happiness isn’t constant joy. No one feels blissful 24/7. Life has ups and downs, and real happiness includes making peace with both.
🚫 Happiness isn’t about perfection. Waiting until everything is “just right” to be happy means we’ll be waiting forever. Happiness comes from embracing the beautifully imperfect moments.
🚫 Happiness isn’t found in a bank account, a relationship, or a number on the scale. While these things can contribute to happiness, they don’t create it. How many times have we thought, I’ll be happy when… only to get what we wanted and still feel unfulfilled?
🚫 Happiness isn’t something we ‘deserve’ or ‘don’t deserve.’ Many of us—especially women—carry guilt about prioritizing our own happiness. But happiness isn’t a reward for working hard or suffering enough. It’s something we can claim now.
Why Is It So Hard to Know What Makes Us Happy?
If happiness is a state of being, why do so many of us struggle to find it? The answer often lies in a few key areas:
- We’ve Spent Years Putting Others First
For decades, we were caregivers, employees, partners—pouring into everyone else. Now, when asked what we want, we might draw a blank. It’s not that we don’t deserve happiness; we just never had the time to figure out what it means for us
- We’re Stuck in Old Patterns
We’ve been taught to chase external markers of success, and breaking free from that mindset takes effort. Society tells us that youth, status, and productivity equal happiness. But what if true happiness is something simpler and quieter?
- We Fear Change
Finding happiness sometimes requires letting go of the familiar—whether that’s outdated beliefs, toxic relationships, or routines that no longer serve us. Change is uncomfortable, but it’s also where growth (and happiness) happens.
- We’re Looking in the Wrong Places
We turn to distractions—shopping, eating, alcohol, scrolling social media, overworking—hoping they’ll fill the void. But real happiness isn’t about numbing ourselves; it’s about living with intention and meaning.
So, What Is Happiness?
Happiness is:
🌿 Feeling aligned with who you truly are. When you stop trying to be what others expect and start embracing your authentic self, happiness flows naturally.
🌿 Being present. Happiness is found in the little things—a cup of coffee in the morning, a quiet walk, the warmth of the sun on your face. It’s about noticing and appreciating now.
🌿 Doing what brings you joy. Whether it’s creativity, travel, learning something new, or connecting with others—happiness comes from engaging in what lights you up.
🌿 Letting go of what doesn’t serve you. Whether it’s self-doubt, resentment, or obligations that drain you, releasing what weighs you down makes space for happiness.
🌿 Trusting yourself. Happiness isn’t found in someone else’s approval—it’s found in trusting that you know what’s best for you.
How to Start Finding Happiness Now
If you’re not sure what happiness looks like for you anymore, start small:
✨ Ask yourself, “What do I love doing?” And then do more of it.
✨ Start saying “yes” to what excites you and “no” to what drains you.
✨ Move your body in a way that feels good. Not for weight loss, but for joy and energy.
✨ Practice gratitude. Even on hard days, find one thing to appreciate.
✨ Reconnect with yourself. Whether through journaling, meditation, or a solo coffee date, spend time with you.
Final Thoughts
Happiness isn’t about finding something outside of yourself—it’s about creating it within. It’s about living in alignment with who you are now, not who you were or who you think you should be.
So take a breath. Let go of the pressure to be constantly “happy” and start noticing the small, meaningful moments of joy. Because happiness? It’s already within you. You just have to allow yourself to claim it.
Would love to hear your thoughts—what does happiness mean to you now? Drop a comment below! 💛
Kay x