Coping with Grief and learning better ways to move through this is a journey.
Grief is a difficult and personal journey everyone will experience in this life – guaranteed. Grief is a part of life and love.
Parents, children, spouses, friends, our pets, our marriage, our lifestyle, our work and our health are all things we grieve when we lose them.
Some coping methods can prolong the pain or create more difficulties along the way. While these methods may seem like a good idea at the time, they can ultimately hinder healing.
Emotions are energy in motion and we need to let that energy move through our system. By pretending it is not there, stuffing it down, medicating it we are stopping the healing, and this can have dire consequences.
Let’s explore some common unhelpful ways people try to cope with grief and what healthier, more constructive alternatives might look like.
Unhelpful Ways to Coping with Grief:
1. Suppressing or Ignoring the Pain
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- What it looks like: Trying to “stay strong” by bottling up emotions, pretending the loss didn’t happen, or avoiding any reminders of the person or thing lost.
- Why it’s unhelpful: Grief doesn’t disappear if we ignore it. Suppressing emotions often leads to emotional exhaustion, anxiety, or depression.
2. Isolating Yourself
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- What it looks like: Withdrawing from friends, family, or support networks because you don’t want to burden anyone or because it feels too difficult to be around others.
- Why it’s unhelpful: Isolation can deepen feelings of loneliness and make it harder to heal. Human connection, even in small doses, is important for emotional recovery.
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3. Engaging in Numbing Behaviours (e.g., substance use, overeating)
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- What it looks like: Using alcohol, drugs, excessive food, or other behaviours to numb the pain or distract from difficult emotions. A common drug that is prescribed is anti depressants. You are not depressed – you are grieving. It is a normal and healthy emotion and yes it hurts and looks like depression, but unless it becomes life threating it is not depression.
- Why it’s unhelpful: Numbing the pain only delays processing grief. Over time, it can lead to addiction, health problems, or other destructive habits, complicating the grief journey.
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4. Rushing Through the Grief Process
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- What it looks like: Trying to “get over it” as quickly as possible by filling your schedule with distractions, returning to work immediately, or forcing yourself to feel “normal.”
- Why it’s unhelpful: Grief is not something you can speed through. Avoiding the natural process of mourning can cause unresolved grief to surface later in more intense and complicated ways.
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5. Constantly Reliving the Loss
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- What it looks like: Dwelling on the details of the loss, repeatedly replaying the events in your mind, or staying stuck in feelings of guilt or regret.
- Why it’s unhelpful: While it’s normal to reflect on the loss, constantly reliving it prevents emotional closure. Staying stuck in the moment of loss keeps you from eventually moving forward.
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Better Ways to Cope with Grief:
1. Allow Yourself to Feel the Pain
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- What it looks like: Acknowledging and sitting with difficult emotions instead of pushing them away. Cry if you need to. Talk about your loss when it feels right. Or you might feel angry or other emotions. They are all right and good. Feel them. Yell and scream. Hit a pillow or a boxing bag. Let your feelings out.
- Why it’s helpful: Grief needs to be felt to be processed. Giving yourself permission to experience sadness, anger, or confusion is part of healing. The healing is in the expression of the feeling.
2. Lean on Your Support System
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- What it looks like: Reaching out to friends, family, or support groups who are willing to listen and be there for you. Even small interactions can be comforting.
- Why it’s helpful: Talking about your grief with others can provide emotional relief and reduce feelings of isolation. Sometimes, simply being around people who care is enough to remind you that you’re not alone.
3. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
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- What it looks like: Being gentle with yourself and practicing mindfulness to stay in the present moment. Accept where you are in the grieving process without judgment.
- Why it’s helpful: Mindfulness can help you stay grounded during overwhelming moments, while self-compassion reminds you that grief is a normal and personal journey. It allows you to move at your own pace.
4. Engage in Rituals and Remembrances
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- What it looks like: Finding ways to honour and remember the person you lost. This might include creating a memory box, celebrating anniversaries, or lighting a candle.
- Why it’s helpful: Rituals give you a sense of connection with your loved one and allow you to integrate their memory into your life. It helps you grieve in a way that feels meaningful.
5. Seek Professional Support
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- What it looks like: Speaking to a therapist, counsellor, or grief coach who can guide you through your grief process. They can help you understand and manage your emotions.
- Why it’s helpful: A trained professional can provide tools and strategies for coping with grief and help you work through complicated emotions. They offer a non-judgmental space to process your feelings.
6. Take Care of Your Physical Health
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- What it looks like: Eating well, getting enough rest, and moving your body regularly. Even gentle exercise like walking can help lift your mood.
- Why it’s helpful: Your body and mind are connected, and taking care of your physical health can help you better manage emotional pain. Self-care is crucial during times of grief.
7. Create New Routines and Meaning
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- What it looks like: Slowly building new routines and finding activities that bring purpose and joy into your life. This might include hobbies, volunteering, or connecting with new people.
- Why it’s helpful: While grief changes your life, it can also create space for new beginnings. Creating a new routine helps to redefine your sense of normalcy and build a life that honours both the loss and the future.
Final Thoughts
Grief is a complex and unique experience for everyone, and while there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, some coping methods can prolong the pain or create more difficulties in the long run.
By allowing yourself to feel, reaching out for support, and engaging in healthy coping mechanisms, you can move through grief with compassion and find a way to live fully again and even begin to thrive after losing a loved one.
If you need further ideas of how to cope with the early days of grief, click here to for instant access to my guide of things to do to help with grief.
Once the grief is no longer acute, you will find yourself asking questions like “who am I now?” “ What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” This is part of step 7 above and a great spot to get to.
And this is where I can help.
Book here for a free 30-minute chat where we can look at how I can help you find the next steps.