The holiday season can be a tough time. While the world seems to glow with joy and celebration, for many of us, this time of year brings a complex mix of emotions—especially if you’re dealing with grief, big changes, or the ache of family drama.
When we’ve lost someone we love, when our kids are grown and building their own lives, or when family dynamics are uncomfortable, the holidays can feel like an isolating, bittersweet reminder of what’s missing.
If you’re feeling more dread than joy as the holidays approach, you’re not alone. There are so many movies, pictures and cards all showing a perfect family, all enjoying themselves, everyone together with no dramas and no sadness.
But this is fantasy. We live in a world that is not so perfect.
The Hard Stuff: Grief, Family Drama, and Changes in Tradition
When we’re grieving or feeling alone, the constant cheer and endless holiday music can feel overwhelming. The holidays are loaded with memories, and each one can stir up sadness or a longing for the way things used to be. (ahh it was so much fun when the kids were tiny, and Santa was coming)
But now you are remembering a loved one who isn’t here anymore. The shift in family dynamics— those kids who used to be right by your side now building their own traditions with their own children.
Family members drifting apart and unresolved tensions that always seem to bubble up this time of year.
First, I want you to know that it is okay to admit that this season doesn’t feel “merry”. It doesn’t have to. Pushing away those feelings or trying to plaster on a happy face only makes things harder.
Instead, let’s find ways to sit with those feelings, honour them, and gently shape the season into something that feels right for you.
A Few Ideas
Here are a few ideas that might help you get through the holidays a little more smoothly.
- Create New Traditions That Suit You Now
If old traditions bring more pain than joy, think about creating new ones that fit where you are in life now. Maybe it’s a quiet walk on Christmas morning or making a meal you actually enjoy rather than the same recipes you’ve been making for years. New traditions won’t replace the past, but they might help you make some fresh, gentle memories to carry forward.
I have moved to a small unit and the big family Christmas tree crowded the room so much last year. I am looking at something different that will have the same feel without taking up all that space. And as most of my children are going to be with their families this year, what can I and the two youngest of my children do that will make this year special for us?
- Honour Loved Ones in Your Own Way
If you’re missing someone, especially around the holidays, it’s okay to find ways to keep them close in your heart. Light a candle for them, play a song that reminds you of them, or maybe even cook a dish they loved. Little acts of remembrance can help you feel connected to them and honour the place they still hold in your life.
One of the things I do to honour my husband and care for myself, is buy myself a present that feels like it comes from him. Last year I bought a beautiful ruby heart necklace that talked to me when I was passing the jewellery shop. I can feel his love when I wear it. Other years I have bought a new charm for my bracelet.
What do you do to honour those not with you any more?
- Plan Small Moments Just for Yourself
The holidays can feel endless when you’re going through them alone. To make the time feel more intentional, try planning something each day that reminds you of the meaning of Christmas. Buy a present for the giving tree for a child in need. Join a community choir that is visiting nursing homes. Is there a family in need that you could be their secret Santa?
These little moments can create some structure and give you things to look forward to.
I bought a jigsaw last year where each day you do a small part of the big puzzle. It was a fun countdown that I enjoyed each day. (much better than a cheap chocolate calendar)
- Reach Out, Even If It Feels Awkward
Sometimes, the last thing you want to do is reach out when you’re feeling down. But staying connected, even in small ways, can make a huge difference. Call a friend, invite a neighbour over for afternoon tea, remember that many others are feeling alone too. Being around others, even virtually, can make you feel less alone.
- Give Yourself Permission to Opt Out of What Doesn’t Feel Right
If there’s a family gathering or event that feels more draining than joyful, it’s okay to say no. Give yourself permission to protect your energy. You don’t have to force yourself to participate in something just because it’s tradition. Letting go of some expectations can help you focus on things that genuinely bring you comfort.
- Practice Gratitude—In a Way That Feels Real
Gratitude might sound cliché, but when you’re struggling, focusing on even the smallest, good thing can help. Gratitude is one of the best things you can do to lift your mood and December is a good time to get this habit started. It doesn’t have to be grand—maybe it’s the warmth of a cozy blanket, a beautiful sunrise, or the smell of a candle.
These small moments of appreciation can help shift your perspective, even if just a little.( In January I am going to be running a gratitude challenge, so this is a good practice.)
- Do Something for Others
Sometimes, getting out of our own heads can bring a sense of peace. Consider volunteering, donating, or simply doing a small act of kindness. Helping someone else, even in a small way, can bring a sense of purpose and connection that can make a world of difference. It is amazing how serving others is a perfect way to help ourselves.
- Look Toward the New Year with Gentle Hope
The New Year can be daunting when you’re already feeling down, but maybe there’s a way to approach it without the pressure of big resolutions. Think about setting one small intention, like “be kind to myself” or “reach out to friends more often.” A gentle focus can help give you something positive to look forward to without adding stress.
Remember: You’re Not Alone in Feeling This Way
The holidays can be an emotional rollercoaster for so many of us. Even though it might seem like everyone else is wrapped up in holiday joy, remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way.
There are others out there who understand exactly what you’re going through. This season, let yourself feel whatever comes up, and take small, intentional steps to take care of yourself.
You’re allowed to rewrite the holidays on your own terms, and you deserve a season that feels as peaceful and as comforting as possible.
I am certainly one of those people who understand what you are going through and I am here to help. I am always available for a chat. Just email and we can make a time. Click here it contact me.