Losing your husband is one of the most heartbreaking, disorienting, and life-altering experiences you can go through. It hurts. And it leaves you wondering how you are going to keep going.
And while everyone around you may mean well with their casseroles and comforting words, there’s something no one tells you clearly enough:
Grief is not a straight line.
It’s not tidy.
And you’re not doing it wrong.
You may find yourself crying over a sock that was left behind. Or staring into space for an hour, wondering where the time went. You might feel nothing one day and then everything the next. Some days, you might even laugh—and then feel guilty for it. All of that? It’s normal. It’s grief.
It Doesn’t Make Sense Because It Doesn’t Have To
One of the most difficult things about grief is how unpredictable and unfair it feels. You may have been strong for everyone during the funeral, but now the silence of your home feels unbearable. You may have expected to feel sad—but not this lost, not this angry, not this numb.
The truth is: grief is not just sadness.
It’s confusion, loneliness, shock, anger, guilt, and exhaustion—all rolled into one.
Sometimes it’s even boredom or anxiety. Sometimes it’s just silence.
When you turn off the TV and the music and its quiet at night, the silence is loud.
And then you wonder: Am I grieving the right way? I feel like I should be getting through this faster. I thought I would cope better than this.
But, there is no “right way.”
There is only your way
Grief and Faith: It’s Okay to Feel Both
As an LDS woman, you might feel an extra layer of pressure to “be strong” or to put on a brave face. You’ve been taught that families are eternal, that this separation is temporary, and that God’s plan is perfect. All of those things are true.
But knowing eternal truths doesn’t take away human pain.
Having faith doesn’t cancel out sorrow.
Grieving your husband does not mean you don’t believe in eternal life—it means you loved deeply.
Jesus Himself wept. (John 11:35)
He was the literal Son of God and knew He would raise Lazarus, yet He still cried with the mourners. Why? Because pain matters. Because love hurts when it feels like it’s been torn away. God honours our tears.
Let that truth sink into your heart: You are not failing at faith if you are struggling with grief and that is exactly the way it is meant to be.
You Don’t Need to “Move On”
You may have heard people say things like, “It’s time to move on” or “He wouldn’t want you to be sad.” These statements might come from a loving place, but they can also feel dismissive and painful.
The reality is, you don’t “move on” from someone you love.
You move forward—slowly, gently—with them still in your heart.
Some days you’ll carry grief like a heavy coat you can’t take off. Other days, it will soften into something more like a scarf—still there, but not quite as heavy. And eventually, you may even find that you can hold both sorrow and joy at the same time.
That’s not betrayal. That’s healing.
A Gentle Practice: Name What You’re Feeling
One simple practice that can help when grief feels overwhelming is to name what you’re feeling without judging it.
You can try this out loud, in a journal, or in prayer:
- “Today I feel numb.”
- “I miss his voice so much.”
- “I’m angry that he left me.”
- “I’m scared I won’t be okay.”
Bringing your emotions into the light helps them lose some of their power. It doesn’t fix the pain—but it honours it. It allows you to be real with yourself and with God.
I find journaling to be very helpful for me. Not the journal that you keep for posterity type, but free writing where you say anything and everything that comes to mind. Scribble away and then burn it.
I also like emotional tools like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) which can support you in gently releasing some of the stress and sadness without pushing anything away. Sometimes, tapping while saying “Even though I feel heartbroken, I deeply and completely love and accept myself” can bring surprising relief.
You Are Not Alone
Even though it might feel like no one understands exactly what you’re going through, please know this: you are not alone.
You are part of a sisterhood of women who have walked this road. Women who are figuring out how to wake up each morning without the person they thought would always be there. Women who are learning that it’s okay to laugh again, cry again, and hope again.
And most importantly—you are seen by God.
He is with you in the silence. In the 3 a.m. sobbing. In the numb mornings and restless nights.
He is holding your heart, even when it feels shattered.
You’re Not Broken—You’re Grieving
Let go of the idea that you need to be strong all the time. Let go of timelines and pressure and guilt.
Let yourself feel. Let yourself rest. Let yourself receive comfort—from God, from friends, and from those who care.
This week, be kind to yourself. Drink water. Sit in the sun if you can. Write down a memory. Cry if you need to. Pray, even if it’s just to say, “Please help me.”
You are doing the best you can in the hardest of times.
And that is enough.
Here is a short list of questions that you can ask yourself each day. I personally like to write the answers as thoughts flow when I write. If I try to keep the ideas in my head they go around and around in circles
Grief Journal Page: What I’m Really Feeling Today
“He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3
- Today, I am feeling…
- The hardest part right now is…
- Something that triggered my grief today…
- One memory I’m holding close today is…
- I need God to help me with…
- A small step I can take to take care of myself today is…
- One thing I want to say (to myself, to God, to my husband) is…
If you would like additional resources or support, you can reach out to me at info@kaybayly.com.
Love Kay